Agitated, Depressed… Transforming

I’ve been super-agitated since the election happened. Waking up at 3 in the morning with political arguments already in progress in my brain. Trying to solve the world. So, I think, maybe now’s a good time to drink less coffee.

With that, I find I’m not agitated any more, just depressed.

I look forward to the time when I can enjoy my life even though the world is not working like I think it should. And I’m feeling worried that I’m not going to get there.

Today, this is all feeling like appropriate transformative process. The election challenged my worldview, hard, and a lot of that worldview included complacency, included the notion that “somebody will handle that”. There was this terrific image 8 years ago of the back of Barack Obama, looking across the fence to the white house, captioned “Don’t worry, I’ve got this.” Some part of me didn’t worry, because I thought he had it.

So now I’m seeing more that I didn’t really want to look at, and feeling more that I didn’t want to feel. And a lot of what I’m feeling is the pain of what we’ve been doing to the planet in my lifetime. That pain isn’t just mine, but neither is it “not mine”. It is an appropriate sorrow to feel.

The turmoil is simply the birth process, into who I will be next, into who we will be next.  May it be so for many.

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